Why Self Criticism Is So Hard to Give Up & How to Finally Stop

When it comes to changing any internal pattern, the first thing we need to do is understand it.

Self criticism is a coping mechanism that aims to protect us from being rejected by others by bringing our perceived ‘flaws’ to our attention so we can ‘fix’ them (and avoid being teased, shamed or rejected).

It’s not news that we live in a world of unrelenting commentary on women’s bodies.

As much as we’ve fought for equal rights, being desirable is still something we feel we must be in order to be acceptable.

Just look at what we’re encouraged to spend huge amounts of money on…

Our hair, nails, skincare, anti-wrinkle, make-up, diets, supplements, clothing and altering the size and shape of our breasts, waist, glutes, lips…

However you’d like to sell it to yourself, we’re conditioned to tie our self-worth to our how we look.

The psychology & neuroscience behind why we criticise ourselves

We’re social creatures. Being accepted by our ‘tribe’ is a human need & has ensured the survival of our species for thousands of years.

If we believe, however unconsciously, that we need to look a certain way to be accepted/safe, our brain will pay attention to how we look. We’ll shame ourselves in an attempt to change what we deem a threat to our being accepted.

But this is where our brain is mistaken. When we’re harshly self-critical, our brain experiences that the same as an immediate threat in the environment.

When there’s a threat, our nervous system locks down & reinforces everything we’ve done up until this point to survive, including criticising ourselves. Our neural synapses, where information gets exchanged in the brain, literally lock up preventing us from considering, processing and integrating new information.

A threatened nervous system is one where change cannot occur.

To break the cycle of constant self criticism, do this…

Kindness and warmth toward our body, on the other hand, indicate to our nervous system that we’re safe. When our nervous system perceives this safety it relaxes & neural synapses open up allowing us to consider, process and integrate new information.

In order to stop criticising your body you need to be wholeheartedly committed to separating your self-worth from your appearance with kindness, compassion and consistency.

You can still groom and take care of your appearance, just don’t tie your self worth to the process.

This takes determination, repetition and sometimes, minute by minute practice, but it absolutely is possible and does get easier 🤍